A Mothers Cry

Over the past two days, i have been emailing one of my friends who is Australian and lives in Australia. She has recently found out that one of her son's has been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism and to make matters worse her baby of a few months old is showing signs of it as well. She is a single mother who has 4 kids and the dad is just a useless piece of junk (in my eyes). He doesnt want to really be apart of his children's lives but when they need him to sign a parental consent for one of them to do something he kicks against the curb not wanting to sign anything and he is just plain difficult, making things even more difficult for my friend.

As we continue to talk about how she feels and what she is going through at the moment i can really sense that she is hurting, i mean this is her child. Regardless of the fact that she is a single mother, like every mother out there she loves her child and it is hurting her to be experiencing this in her life. i feel so bad cause i cant help her in anyway other then allow her to talk about how she feels and what this is doing to her. i must say yesterday talking to her she was freaking out not knowing how she will cope with the whole situation but i have tried to make her see things from all angles and i am glad to say that today she is feeling much much better.

This makes me think seeing as South Africa recently celebrated Womans day that this in a weird way is kind of fitting. It makes me think that us females are strong enough to with stand anything and everything that is thrown our way.We deal with it the best way we can possibly think of dealing with it which is a gift from GOD. he bring us to it and he will bring us through it if we allow it which i really think we should do. We as woman dont really realise our strength or the ability we have to handle things because we believe that we cant get through it but the minute we do, we are so amazed, Why i do not know.

I believe that God will see my friend through this time in life and help her in every way possible to get through this and allow her and her children to experience some happiness and see that tomorrow bring a brighter day. I will be as supportive as i can be all the way down here from South Africa and she knows it.

New Life

On this day at 10h20 South African time and 9h20 British time, a little baby boy was born. My bestfriend of 5yrs gave birth to her 3rd child after quite a few years. Bringing another life into this world is not something that i have experienced yet. However new life brought into this world is a gift from god and changes everything. I have experience of two new lives coming into mine and my home in a form of my nephew and neice.

They are so precious and so special, a day doesnt go by where there isnt something new they teach me something and where they dont learn something from me. Before they were born things at home was dull and boring. Yet now you find little feet running around, you hear fine and tiny little voices and most of us well everyone doesnt like being woken up early but hey that the duty of a kid. I personally cant wait for the day when its my turn. I dont know whether i will be ready but what do know is that my life will change even more then what it has over the past two years.

To Lisa, even though you have done the mummy thing already with Kieran and Shannon, there is no greater feeling then having to do it again. I know that you already are the coolest mum i know and that baby could not have asked for someone better to be his mum. I hope he will bring you as much joy as his brother and sister and i hope that he keeps them short and remind them daily that his the youngest and he can get anyways with anything and everything LOL. i cant wait to see baby until then and until he gets his name, Congrats Lisa and Terry he is a gift in a way that you least expect it and let the good times and nappy changing begin :)

25 Years Old

On the 21st November 1983 at23h34pm the evening a baby girl was born. That baby girl is now a full grown or maybe i should say still growing adult. 25yrs later she had her up's and downs and has experienced life like not many has before. Yes the 25 year old i speak of is none other then me myself and I. Friday i celebrated my 25th birthday and much to my surprise it was not half as bad as i thought it would be i dont know hey for some reason i thought it was gonna be something really bad or just something really weird but it wasnt.

I was woken up on friday morning with an sms from my boyfriend wishing me (he was the first to wish me) his message sparked a storm of messages from all over the world. got so many messages wishing me and so many phone calls wishing me i lost count by 9am the morning. At the end of the day i can sit here and say i had the most amazing birthday, different but amazing. i had everyone i loved around me celebrating my day and telling stories about when i was a little girl and the things i use to do. some was funny and some were shockers.

The only thing i can say right now is that god has blessed me even though we tend to not see his wonderful work and ways and paths that his opened for us there comes a time when one needs to sit and think about all he has done and say thank you god for all you have done for me. everything we go through in life is what he wants us to go through is what he wants us to learn from is what he wants us to experience and what he wants us to pay attention to. the first thing i did friday morning was go down on my knees with a tear in my eye and i thanked the all mightly for carrying me through 25years of my life. i do not live on my own graces i live on his graces and for that i thanked him for everything he has done for me and most importantly having a hand in bringing me into this world.

To everyone in my life, friends and family! Thank you all for being there when i needed you most thank you for all the wishes and happiness you bring into my life. thank you for putting up with me as i know im not the easiest person to live with. Thank you just for letting me be me and letting me say what is needed to say when the time is there for me to say it. Thank you for being in my life. everyone brings alittle something extra to my life and holds a small part of them in me and that is the way it is going to stay.

Im 25years old here i am ready to take on what ever challenges my age will bring me what ever experiences it will throw my way and most of all im happy that i am still who i am today~~

21 November 2008

Violation

Wow i am back again to air my views and vows on the past few months that have gone past.
it has surely been somewhat a surprise to me as to what has happened this past few months. i have so much to say but i dont really know where to start. but seeing as it looks like im going to have to break it up into individual blog posts. so as you can see the title of this blog is the main thing or somewhat the more serious of the matters that happened to me over the past few months. so here is the 411 on what happened.

So earlier this year i met one of my chat buddies for the first time in something like 2yrs. why we only met then was simply because he lives in one city and me in another. if he wanted to come to my city he had a choice of either taking a 2hr flight, a 10hour bus trip or a 5-6hour car trip to my city. Which is something that wasnt really on the map at the time. however he caught himself visiting his family who lives close to me and that is how we decided to meet. yes before meeting it seemed like if a relationship were to develop then it would be one of the best relationships i have ever been in.

Unfortunately i found out that as he kept telling me that he is single, he was however in a relationship already. Anyways i went through the whole phase of feeling depressed or whatever but it didnt last long. I thought oh well its over and done with nothing i can do but move on. which i did. However that was not the end, the surprise was yet to come. few months later he makes contact with me again and amazingly acts as if nothing happen. oh well as i was over him and put his crap behind me, we met up and chatted about the months that we did not talk to each other. apparently he went through alot and lost alot and realised who the true friends was that he had in his life. much to my surprise i was one of those true friends i didnt know how i was but hey i cant tell someone that they are wrong in their choice of company.

After a few weeks we ended up as a couple and man was that something i have always wanted but after a month i learned that what we always want in life is not always what we need and not always what it would seem like. anyways why we ended this was because he felt the need to violate my privacy, not that i had anything to hide from him or anyone for that matter. But what he did was unethical in my books. To me honestly it is worse then cheating which he basically already did.anyways he took my phone while i was asleep and he went through my messages and emails.

Unfortunately he found a text message that i dont think any partner would be happy about if they found it. It was a 4month old message between my ex and i. He however claimed that the message was sent while we were dating even though we started dating in August and the message is dated May. he still maintains that it was sent when we were dating. DID I MISS ANYTHING? since when does May come before August? well lol they always say there isnt smoke without a fire and yes there was fire. we broke up and miraculously two weeks later he suddenly finds himself in another relationship. QUICK? I think not, where there is smoke there is fire. he violated my privacy so he could cover up his hidden agenda yet i walked away with a clear conscience why cause i did nothing and he, well lets just say what he does from here on out is merely his choice, I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON:

I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their email. Your response will be interesting.
Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you. Here goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. (or for you to offer the same FOR or to THEM). They may seem like a godsend and they are.. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Lisa, Jodie, Heather, Sicelo, Arnold, Jimmy, Emron

How alike can people be

i recently met this young man who is a few years younger then me. Much to my surprise and also to his we discovered that we are so much alike its actually scary. when we chat he knows what i will say next and i tend to know what he is thinking when we are talking.

freaky? i think not

we have adjusted to it and we are actually telling everyone we are siblings. i for one is starting to enjoy the friendship and the brother/sisterhood that we have going on. its one experience i have never in my existance thought i would come across. best part is even though we are so much alike we tend to learn new things every single day.

so i say to everyone, go out there find the person who is just like you. experience the fun, the laughter, the serious moments, the conversations and the fact that you can be you cause the person is that way as well. trust me you wont look back saying why did i do something that stupid, you would actually look back with a smile saying "that is the best experience ive had"

Emron we have a long way to go but seeing as you are very much like me and i am very much like you. it is easy to say that we are going to have a blast every step we take together lil brother!!!

A thought of a friend

Tears of an lost soul

What we strive 2 be is not what we become. We become more or less than what we set out 2 be. Life is not a mystical unanswered stabile substance but an experiment of choices. - By Zavier Jacobs


Your mind is young and full of life. Your thoughts are amazing and something that is not often put to paper. You grow from life and see what its like. You experience it different to anyone your age. You are a man of strength and strive. You will find the person you are meant to be. For now from me to you, your the most intriguing person to ever walk the surface of my life and for that i say you define the phrase "your one in a million"

Rekindled Friendship

Over the past id say 2-3months old friendships have been rekindled. One would never think that the people who chose to have me back in their lives would come back to try and rebuild the friendship. I mean i am the type of person who believes that in certain situations everyone deserves a second chance. yet i still always think "ok but why do it the first time"

from that clearly alot of explanations and stories arise from it and yet you still think "are you hiding something or not?" or you maybe end up like me and think "is there something you want from me". in some instances you will find that yes people merely try to come back cause they need you for some or other reason. then you get the people that one you back in there lives cause they feel you have made a contribution before toward there existance and you still can and probably will do that.

well i think from my point of view and also from what i have experience sometimes giving that second chance could change your life and the other persons life. i have yet to discover why the people who are making their way back into my life, want that second chance. things have been good so far but i go into a conversation thinking "is this going to end well or not"

maybe i should let sleeping dog lie and see what the out come of all this is. one thing is for sure that this is the second and last time for them and any form or sense of injury toward the friendship and everything they have worked toward would mean nothing cause it would end right there and then........

This is who i am

I asked all my friends whether i am a bad person or not. I got a few replies but one shone above the rest. Instead of answering my question he defined me to who i am. What he doesnt know is the definition he gave about me is who i truly am. Zuko this ones for you, i only know you a few months but your bound to be one of my closest friends forever.

Zuko's Definition:

Well that is difficult for me to answer, cos I have only seen your nice side… I’m not saying you have a nasty side, I just have never experienced that side of you if you do have one! You have only been nice to me so I only have good thoughts and judgments for you!

Personality wise you are very strong, powerful but yet kind and soft at the same time so many might mistaken your bold, powerful personality negatively and see it as a threat or you just being horrible!

But you must remember we were all made to be different (UNIQUE), and different people will see different people differently. What Is important is that you accept yourself for who you are, before you worry about what others think of you!

Zuko your one of the few people i can really talk to about anything and whats important is that your one of the few people who really pays attention and defines true friendship. thanks for being a friend and from me to you "True Friends Last A Lifetime"

Give us time to find us again

When i was told that line, i sat there and thought "What? What the hell does that mean?"! Sometimes i tend to not pick up instantly what things mean and that i guess was one of my moments. After thinking about that infamous line, i can finely say i know what it means.But as i have written in one of my other posts, somethings can be defined differently by people as everyone differs.

So well in my case as far as that line goes (the title) i think that is significantly saying that maybe just maybe there is a second chance if we put our minds to it and just grow from what happen in the past and let time open a path way to things better. i could be wrong and grasping at absolutely nothing or i may just have hit the nail on its head.Either way i dont get to find out anytime soon whether i am right or wrong. Which really actually sucks cause i have absolutely no patience what so ever. Oh well i use to have the patience of a saint but that slowly faded away.

Maybe this is what i need to get my patience back to the way it use to be.Or maybe this is just exactly what it is a break up that may end up as a make up or a break up that will stay a break up. Interesting how many explanations or thoughts can come from one line, its quite the shocker aint it? Oh well maybe i should just let sleeping dogs lie but then again i tend to like an adrenalin rush so now and again so may just wake this situation up with one of my many talented ways.

lets see how this pans out, will i give it time or wont i?

Another Year Gone

Today is my birthday and i feel some what happy and some what down. Yet at the end of the day as down as i feel i look at the past year of my life as a learning year as i do every year. I was thinking of how much of a dull and boring day i would have today cause usually i am one of those people who tend to make a big thing about everyone elses birthday and never get the same in return but this year id say is pretty much different.

receiving calls, messages, emails etc from people i havent spoken to in months is what made my day so far a good one. this morning before leaving for work i went down on my knees and thanked god from bringing me thus far and asked him for guidance and protection as i continue to live my life and i think because i did that i look at today as unforgettable. the people i least expected to care showed that they actually do care.

To Myself i would like to give these few words:

A BIRTHDAY OPENS THE PATH TO ANOTHER YEAR!

Walk in the direction of the blue sky, not the grey, Choose the bright road where Sunshine brightens your way. Wishing you a wonderful Birthday, that takes you further along the paths of all your hearts desires and dreams

Well to everyone who has made my day so far a good and enjoyable one (even though it is raining over here) Thank you for being part of this day, thank you for being part of my life and thank you for being you and that is something special.

Chatting

What is the difference?????

I find that on a daily basis people are complaining about online chatting and chat programs for your mobile phone or pc. Most of the time it stems from young kids ending up with sending naked pictures of themselves or married people ending their marriages cause they met someone online and prefers that person and the way they do things. Last week i received an email title "Mxit again" for some of you who knows this mxit is a chat software for your mobile phone. Well in the email was two pics of a 15year old girl posing in it which she had sent to a contact of hers.

I remember the person who forwarded the email saying how can we stop mxit from being used. Now my view is, is it mxits fault or is it the two teenagers in question thats at fault? i mean yes they are chatting via mxit and its their private conversation so clearly the pic exchange is private to, so now they choose to send each other these pics so i would say that is a personal and private choice right? so why bash and blame mxit? what is the difference between Mxit, Migg33, Bluepulse (these are all chat softwares for mobile phones)? Then also what is the difference if you go online into a chat room and invite someone to a private chat and they want a pic or two of you.

What is the difference? who is at fault? the chat programs and chat rooms or is it the way people use it? from personal experience, i have met so many people online its not funny really but you know what is amazing, every one is special in their own ways. How and what you do with the friendship or relationship is really up to you and that other person. If you chose to be more intimate with some and not with others , its your life and your choice. But always keep in mind that you have to be careful in whatever it is you do. i dont think the chat programs and chatrooms are to blame for what young teenagers and even married people are doing, i think its a personal issue and its personal choice. Its the people who do these things not the programs and that is one thing i think people need to realise...............

Friendship

There comes a time in ones life where you sit down and think how incredibly lucky you are to have amazing friends in your life. The question is do we take the time to thank them for always being there for you when you need them the most? Also are you as good enough a friend to them as well when they need you the most? Most of all how do you know that you have a good friend or a good bunch of friends? well the answer to that one is pretty easy, your bestfriend or friends define who you are. Most of the time only time will tell who your friends are and who isnt....

Last week i realised that little did i know i had a bestfriend who genuinely has the touch of a very good friend of mine. It boggled me at first cause of the way i found out but when i think about it i realise that its actually amazing. The person who i least expected to be a good friend ended up being just that.Let see i was depressed last week about something and whenever i am like that amazingly this person always calls me or sends me a message to find out how im doing. That is what shocked me cause the person never speaks to me at all but always pops up the second something is wrong with me. My friend says its a feeling that cant be explained but just knows that contact must be made and when its made the reason is revealed.

I now know what bonds i hold with all friends and i now know who are the close ones and who are not so much the close ones but at the end of the day they are my friends and im happy that i get to share my daily happenings and life with so many amazing people and i feel honoured that they feel the same way i do and think the same way i do. i think one should take the time once in a while to sit down and think of how valuable ones friends are and take the time to show them and tell them!!!!

Thanks: Fairy, Lollipop, Sassie, Daya, Nemo, Papi, $Force, T.I.Pain

Burn

A Loss

A friend of mine experienced something yesterday that i think no one would like to experience in life and that would be the loss of property to flames. He is a very strong person through this yet when you know him as well as i do the loss is killing him. Just as he gets his life back on track again after so many years of trying to sort himself out it all gets taken away by someone elses vengences to get even. Whats not right is that, that person seeked vengance from someone else and not from him yet at the end of the day he is left with nothing as his house burned to the ground leaving him with only the clothes on his back and the car he drives.

what is sad for me is that just knowing how hard this person worked to sort his life out its still shocking to know that everything he has worked for and hard for that matter is now all gone. yes i know materialistic things arent important but the hard work, sweat and tears put into that is what matters. so this is really a downer. i cant even begin to imagine how families who loses to fires lives must after that. this is one guy what about a family of four or even six.

i hope that there are people out there that can help others get back what they once had. Cause a loss to anything could drive someone to do anything they are not expected to do if they do not have the necessary or required support to help them through a tough time like this. One thing people should always keep in mind is that god has a plan for everyone and if losing something or someone is in his plan you will go through every emotion cause he will make sure of that. All one has to do when you are going through this is trust, believe and have faith that all will be well and go as it must........

The end

A dying friendship

About 8months ago i met this brilliant young man, initially when we met i had thought he was older then me cause when you sat and spoke to him you would think his at a good age. Well he was actually a year younger then me but that never phased us cause the friendship was good.

This guy ended up taking on a role of bestfriend and brother and me i actually took on the role of bestfriend and sister. Whenever he needed someone to talk to i was the one he ran to and when i needed someone to talk to i would always go to him. you always find someone in your path of life that you can really relate to and enjoy ever moment you spend with that person. Also you end up being so happy in that friendship, arguing and disagreements doesnt even cross your mind. But what happens when suddenly you get a message saying the friendship ends?

I for one felt crap but the reason that was given is understandable. what i think is really good is that still at the end of the day you not mad at that person but you actually grant them well wishes for the future. I just hope that him moving to another country is going to help him grow even more then he has and that when he is the person he wants to be again he will call me and say the normal "Hey sis hows it going?"

The loss of a person is never easy and how we deal with it isnt easy either but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!!!!

Case of the EX!!

It all falls down

Recently i went through a break up which i thought was in my best interest to just cut my loses and call it a day and carry on with life and try to learn from my experience. As it was a long distance relationship and let me emphasize very long distance relationship.

As the person thats doing the breaking up you sit and try to think of ways to salvage what little is left from the relationship, just so that you dont end up breaking the other persons heart. Like me for example i was the one to end it cause i felt like more of a need then a girlfriend and some how someway he managed to turn things around and call me selfish for ending it and not giving us a chance. little did he know that all the warnings that was sent his way was me giving him chance after chance and clearly he didnt take note of that.

But what happens when that persons feelings turns into anger or rage? well they act on it and there are always serious implications. One thing i have learned is that no matter what people say break up is hard for the person doing the break up and the person being broken up with. At the end of the day they become your ex for a reason. I am a firm believer of people deserve second chances in life yes but when it comes to relationships in a romantic way there is just no going back, it is extremely hard to give that person a second chance, why?

Cause they will always hold you to your wrongs and thats why with a break up it should all fall down and end!!!!!

Win or Lose

Doesnt Matter What Its Still A Good Thing...........

I was sitting last night and chatting to a few friends whilst we were waiting for a soccer/football match to start. One of them looked at me and asked "So what if your team loses tonight and yall get kicked out, how you going to feel about it". I looked at him and smiled saying "It happens to everyone". He inturn replied saying "you have no enthuasiasm or convidence in your team them". I asked him what his point was and he couldnt answer me.

Eventually when the game was finished, it ended with a draw but my team was still kicked out simply because when we played the team two weeks ago they won us 1-0 so on aggregate they won us 2-1 to go through to the quaterfinals. he looked at me and asked me why i was smiling when my team who was in the finals last year was just kicked out before reaching the quarter finals what was wrong with me.

I turned to him saying, They may have lost and have been kicked out of one of the biggest tournaments in the world but they have gained something and that is knowledge and experience. They can now go back to the drawing boards and discuss what they did wrong, where it went wrong and how they are going to improve on it next season. He looked at me extremely shocked and said to me that for the first time i made sense.

At the end of the day no matter what the end result whether it be sport, work, life or love, you always have two options, two ways about things. Win or Lose you always gain something from it and one things for sure and i know in sport they have a brillaint saying that goes "Win or Lose, We Are Still A Team" and at the end of the day, that is all that matters still being a team at the end of it.

Enough of the rant im out!!!!!!!!

You listen

What do you say or do?

Do you listen with your heart or with you mind? You sit and listen to someone talk about what hurt them most in life and you realise that sometimes what you think is the worse thing that happen to you is not. There are people out there who has gone through worse pain then you have.

A few days ago i sat and spoke to someone who poured his heart out to me about a marriage that never worked out for either persons involved and i sat and had to chose as to whether i listen and take it in from the heart or just let it drift in my mind. Either way you get emotionally involve by either drawing closer to the person or by feeling exactly how they are.

Kinda hard to understand or to digest or to figure out. but when you do its such an amazing feeling to sit and listen to people talk about experiences that has happen. you chose to learn from it and allow it to guide you or you forget it and if it happens to you then you realised but it happen to so and so why didnt i learn from it then!!!!

Happiness is right infront of you, you always have two choices in life. Either choice you make is a learning curb.

In the words of DUKE ELLINGTON - Life has two rules: 1) Never Quite 2) Always remember rule 1