For Gawain

Kenny Latimore
" For You "


For you I give a lifetime of stablility, anything you want of me,nothing is
impossible. For you there are no words or ways to show my love or all the thoughts I'm thinking of 'Cause this life is no good alone since we've become one I've made a change everything I do now makes sense, all roads end, all I do is for you!

For you I share the cup of love that overflows and anyone who knows us
knows that I would change all faults I have. For you there is no low or high or in between of my heart that you haven't seen 'Cause I share all I have and am, nothing I've said is hard to understand and all I feel, I feel deeper still and always will all this love is for you!

Every note that I play, every word I might say, every melody I feel. Are only for you and your appeal. Every page that I write, everyday of my life would not be filled without the things That my love for you now brings

For you I'd make a promise of fidelity, now and for eternity. No one could replace this vow. For you I'd take your hand and heart and everything and add to them a wedding ring 'Cause this life is no good alone, since we've become one you're all I know And if this feeling should leave I'd die and here's why All I am is for you!

Everything I do now makes sense, all roads end and all I do...

Is for you

Only for you

Changes

Today has changed my mindset about somethings and mainly life big time. Not only have i experienced the joy of knowing that my friend gave birth to her little boy today but i also experienced pain two hours later. I got told by the person that i love more then anything and i would without a doubt do anything for that person and yes of course i am talking about my boyfriend Gawain, confirmed my worse fear ever. He confirmed or rather just took it upon himself to tell that the wedding we were or i was planning for the 29th October 2011, well he doesnt want to get married next year anymore.

That bit of information hit me so hard i didnt know whether i was sitting, standing, laying, sleeping, dreaming, nightmaring. Didnt know my left from my right, top from bottom i just got hit harder then i could ever imagine. I mean here we are every single month buying things for our future home and at the same time planning a wedding and well bam he hits me with that bit of information. All i said was thank you for letting me know and i left the conversation without getting a why, how come or anything like that. i couldnt bring myself to asking or finding out because i didnt really expect it.

Im sitting at my desk now not knowing which way forward and not really sure what i should think. All i know is that i am really hurt and dont know how to react other then ball my eyes out every few seconds of the day as i cant contain my emotions as this wouldve been one of the biggest days of not just my life but his and his parents and my parents and our families. atleast not many people from my end knew about the wedding including my parents. So yeah thats the easy part, there isnt alot of people to tell from my end. but many know from his side, so he is going to have to tell them that he no longer wants to get married. As for me i guess i will rather allow this to strength me.

Wedding Diary 3

So with 529 days to go to the big day, i guess its time to reflect on the colours of the wedding, how exciting :). We just started talking and suddenly the colour choosing came up and much to i surprise well to my surprise, as hard as i thought it was going to be choosing the right colour, it wasnt hard at all. We didnt want to choose the same colours of weddings we have attended already so for me the task was kinda going to be a mission. But Gawain came to the rescue and made the decision for us much easier.

We both wanted black as our base colour as we have attended alot of functions not just weddings where their base colour and decor was white. So we said as we want our wedding to be different and unique we want the base colour black. Then we took my favourite colour and matched it with the black and decided against it for the mere that it is such a common colour and many people use it. So black and blue was a no, no. We then matched his favourite colour with the black and well what cant i say other then breathtaking. His facvourite colour is Wine Red and when you add that to the black you get those most amazing blend of colour and gives a sense of romance and intimacy. Which is nice to add up to a theme which is what our wedding is. but will have that in the next wedding diary.

However cause the two colours are dark i thought we needed a bright colour to break it and just have that sense of romantic yet everything put well together. I suggested we break the dark colours with Silver cause once again we steered away from white. He liked the silver and bam a smile from me and a smile from Mr Johannes. We knew immediately that we had come to a conclusion and that was the colours of our wedding.

Black, Wine Red & Silver.

Cant wait for the 500 days to be over so we could be closer to the wedding. I love the colour and it will make our guests see just how much we love each other and what we feel for each other which is exactly what we want.

Trying to solve it

Today we officially have 533 days to go till the big day. Seems so far but when we really start to get into the planning and arranging of it closer to the time, time will without a doubt fly. Part of me cant wait for that time and part of me well doesn't want that to come, in fear that it might just effect us in a bad way which is not what we are going to need. But hey i guess we are going to have to wait and see what happens and how things end up.

With this in mind, i thought i am not really going to be reflecting today on the progress of the wedding as i can do that again tomorrow. Today i will reflect on current happenings in an effort to bond my relationship with Gawain to what it was. Over the past say two weeks things hasn't really been so great between us. However from an outsiders prospective they would say we seem so happy and we look awesome together (that we know lol). Recent weeks has brought a bit of a down slide for us, somehow, someway we don't really know how it got that way. All we know is that it has to stop and we need to make our way back to being on track with our plans.

I can only speak for myself when i say that i am partly to blame for what is happening cause not only is it hormonal but, i have been battling to cope with the distance between us and i am at a point where i hate saying good bye to him at the end of the night. Im constantly wishing that we were at that stage already that when i travel home at night from work, i want to be traveling towards our home. i want to get home and start making supper for him or with him. i am at a point where, when i get into bed at night i want him to be next to me. All of this has contributed to my attitude over the pass two weeks not really realizing that it would end up effecting my relationship negatively. Oh and lets not forget that i think i am busy turning into a bride-zilla. Always panicking and stressing as to whether or not things are going to go as planned on the big day and i always end up so depressed i take it out on him. When honestly i should be more confident in him and confidence that the day will go exactly the way we want it to go.

Which again is a negative effect on us as well. So what am i going to do to try and curb this constant mood swings and down slides? The only thing i can do is speak less to him about the wedding. only answer him on it when he asks that way he wont feel like im stressing him or pressurizing him about it. As for coping with the distance and not being able to see him when i want and be around him when i want. Uhm i guess the only thing i can do there is show him how appreciative i am of him coming to me when he can and him being there for me when he can and him making time for me when he can. Rather then moan about only being able to see him weekends. Cause at the end of the day we will get to the point where right now is where i would rather be and that is married, in a house, enjoying each others presence and just constantly working on the amazing relationship we have.

i hope i can stick to this, i know i can, i think i can. Being with him this past year and a half was not easy but it is and was worth it and when we will get to the point where we are married and together, we will sit back switch on the pc come to this blog, read it and go wow i was badly moody back then or just sit and reflect on what it was like. For now i am focused not only on our wedding but i am focused on my relationship with the man i dub the love of my life and that is a fact that i am quite comfortable with to say yes he definitely is that.

Wedding Diary 2

So today this diary is about the catering we will be having at the wedding. So i have contacted possibly over about 30 different caterers with regards to doing the food at the wedding and thats besides all the venues i have contacted. The venues we have looked at or the ones i have emailed which is possibly over 40 all has their own restaurants with set menus that they work with and they are not exactly the cheapest set menus i have ever seen. The minimum quote i received was possibly about R170 per person.

Now if i were to pay R170 per person for food then i would be paying more for food then i would be paying for the venue and my FI would get a heart attack with prices like that. After sitting down and discussing this aspect of the wedding. We went on to decide that we have no guarantee that if we pay so much per person that all our guests would get a satisfactory meal or would be filled with what is served to them. As my FI is not as open minded as i am and he doesnt really like to try new things. He said he thinks it would be best if we stick to the things we know. That is actually his favourite line when it comes to eating out or going places on weekends. he suggested that we do what his parents had done for catering at his fathers 50th birthday. That was to contact companies who do spitbraai's. We know that the amount of food these companies cater for is always more then the amount of people who are at the functions. So naturally i thought he was on to something and that i should contact a few companies and get a few quotes.

Low and behold i came across a few of these companies who does a full 3 course meal for functions for as little as R120 per person and these prices includes crockery and cutlery and staff needed on the day. That is basically the price his parents paid per person for his dads function and the food on the day was nice and everyone was happy. I told my FI about it and he was smiling from ear to ear. Another touch of difference from us on the day just the way we want it as not many people have spit braai's at their weddings. Another aspect would be that we want everyone to say wow that is so you too and we know with that they will definately be saying that.

So its settled for our guests who hasnt experienced a spit braai yet, they will on our day. To our guests who hasnt attended a wedding yet where the menu is a spitbraai well they will be on our day. The more i get into the planning of our wedding, the more excited i get with all the new ideas that gets thrown at me daily. This morning one of my bridesmaids told me that my FI told his bestman about the venue and food plans etc and he is very excited about our wedding and he seems extremely inlove with me mmmmmmmmmmmmm that was nice to hear but he shows me daily and people saying it to just makes this wedding and my mr all the more special then what it and he already is!!!

Wedding Diary 1

So alot has happened as far as the wedding is concerned, to others, i would seem crazy as the wedding is only taking place on the 29th October 2011. But hey i am a perfectionist and even though nothing in life is perfect we can atleast try to get things as close to perfect as possible. That is why i have decided along with my partner on quite a few things already. People might ask why we would want certain things but our MAIN aim's for our wedding is unique and different. So we are, well i am, trying to have our wedding as unique and different as possible.

Right we have visited three venues already, namely Welgelee, Webersburg & Hathersage. I will admit that all three of these venues viewed was absolutely beauty. Welgelee (www.welgelee.com) allows us to bring in our own decor people and caterers which is the idea we have and want. They give a whole bunch of added things with the set venue price. The scenery is beautiful as the venue is set in a place called Klapmuts. we have the view of the mountains behind us as well as other wineyards. They also have horses which runs around in the back of their reception lapa (very nice). The down fall of the place is that its small and gives a sense of squashed feeling. It is suitable, but to us, for small and romantic, close and initimate weddings only. It definitely is ideal for those types of weddings but not for our wedding and the amount of guests we plan on inviting. we dont think that Welgelee would be the place for us however out of the three venues it takes the 2nd spot for obvious reasons that their rates and allowances are exactly what we are looking for.

Webersburg (www.webersburg.co.za) also set in the stellenbosch area is last on our list not only is it over our budget by three times but their additives is not exactly what we want. We are also not allowed to use our own caterer so you can imagine just how much they charge per person for the meals. the views and venue is nice dont get me wrong but we would like our guest driving towards the place and along side it saying before they even get inside "this is gawain and cindy" . Our guests will definitely not be saying that when they see this place instead they will say that we are trying to pretend we are people that we are not and never will be. So that is why unfortunately they have our number three spot.

As they say you save the best for last, saturday the 8th May 2010 we view our third and instantly number 1 venue. Hathersage House (www.hathersage.co.za) set in the lush and quiet tranquil area of Somerset West. Not only is the venue closer to where Gawain lives but most of our guests live near there as well. They also allow us to bring our own catering and do our own decor and the place is just a jaw dropper. We had our viewing at 12h30 and at 10pm the evening i was still dumbstruck over the beauty of the place. As we drove in, we drove along a river and on both sides of us theres vines and trees and oh my hat nothing i can say will make up for the beauty of the venue. The place is amazing, both of us fell inlove with the place and we have been invited to come and view it again when there is an evening function just to see how it looks like at night. However as far as i am concerned we have found our venue and will in the words of my partner " i think we have found our venue". We have a provisional booking with this place and hopefully by the end of the week we will know whether this is going to be the venue for our big day or not. 9 outta 10 times it is going to be the one we are going to get married at.

Once we have decided on a venue, i believe everything else will fall into place and once that happens i know everything will go smoothly and fall into place as it rightfully should. I hope this all works out the way we want it to, so it can be as memorable as possible and as amazing as we want it to be. As we are only getting married once~~

Wedding Plans

Unofficially i am getting married on the 29th October 2011. That date is of course of significance and even though we are a year and a half away. This blog will help me vent and also be a reminder after the wedding of everything that i have been through.

Right i found out December 2009 that my loving boyfriend wants to marry me. However it took us alot to get to that point and for him to actually bring up the so called M word. lol i dont know what it is with men and marriage but maybe some day i will understand. So after much discussion we have entered into a 2yr plan on the 06th December 2009 after a very emotional conversation. Since then we have started with the plan and seem to be 100% on track with what we want to do for this year.

However plans for next year which is the year of the wedding is not going to well. Im currently doing everything alone and its becoming stressful and frustrating. however i am sure that in time things will be great and we will have a wonderful wedding. just the way we both want it to be.

For now i guess we will just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings. will open a new post tomorrow on further developments :)