25 Years Old

On the 21st November 1983 at23h34pm the evening a baby girl was born. That baby girl is now a full grown or maybe i should say still growing adult. 25yrs later she had her up's and downs and has experienced life like not many has before. Yes the 25 year old i speak of is none other then me myself and I. Friday i celebrated my 25th birthday and much to my surprise it was not half as bad as i thought it would be i dont know hey for some reason i thought it was gonna be something really bad or just something really weird but it wasnt.

I was woken up on friday morning with an sms from my boyfriend wishing me (he was the first to wish me) his message sparked a storm of messages from all over the world. got so many messages wishing me and so many phone calls wishing me i lost count by 9am the morning. At the end of the day i can sit here and say i had the most amazing birthday, different but amazing. i had everyone i loved around me celebrating my day and telling stories about when i was a little girl and the things i use to do. some was funny and some were shockers.

The only thing i can say right now is that god has blessed me even though we tend to not see his wonderful work and ways and paths that his opened for us there comes a time when one needs to sit and think about all he has done and say thank you god for all you have done for me. everything we go through in life is what he wants us to go through is what he wants us to learn from is what he wants us to experience and what he wants us to pay attention to. the first thing i did friday morning was go down on my knees with a tear in my eye and i thanked the all mightly for carrying me through 25years of my life. i do not live on my own graces i live on his graces and for that i thanked him for everything he has done for me and most importantly having a hand in bringing me into this world.

To everyone in my life, friends and family! Thank you all for being there when i needed you most thank you for all the wishes and happiness you bring into my life. thank you for putting up with me as i know im not the easiest person to live with. Thank you just for letting me be me and letting me say what is needed to say when the time is there for me to say it. Thank you for being in my life. everyone brings alittle something extra to my life and holds a small part of them in me and that is the way it is going to stay.

Im 25years old here i am ready to take on what ever challenges my age will bring me what ever experiences it will throw my way and most of all im happy that i am still who i am today~~

21 November 2008

Something New

A few months ago i started asking myself the one simple question in life that many people always end up trying to figure out for themselves. The question was "Will I ever find some form of happiness in my life?". At the time when I was thinking about that question I had been through quite a few detours in my life and was at a point where once again i just felt like giving up on everything and everyone in my life. This was only the second ever time that I thought or felt that way. I had come to the conclusion or lets just say i settled with the fact that i was never gonna be or never gonna find happiness for myself.

I honestly believed that in most things or aspects of my life that it would be the end of it. I hardly smiled at anything or anyone and i found myself cutting out many people including those close to me. In that time i had cut myself off many people i also decided that i didnt want to even consider getting into any form of relationship either.That was the time i ended up finding myself and getting to know who i really was. the type of person i am and the type of nature i could bring into others lives. Eventually upon doing that i took a leap off the edge of the mountain and for the last time went against something that i set up for myself.

I decided to go ahead and meet someone new, i mean what did i have to lose. i wasnt happy, i had this icyness about me. i just couldnt care less, i would just walk around thinking oh well im probably setting myself up to get hurt again BUT life is about risks. we put ourselves through risks every single day, so i took my last risk and i went ahead and met him. The first time we met i was kinda still on the mindset that i am gonna stay unhappy and nothing anyone says or does is gonna change what i think. (im just difficult like that) the second meeting i basically was the same. The turning point for me was the third meeting. after that i realised the type of person i was seeing and that person was totally different from what i was use to.

Now 6months later i guess my risky leap turned out to be something positive cause now i find myself randomly sitting and smiling for no reason at all. I actually look forward to spending time with that person and seeing that person. i dont know what it is but there is something that always keeps me going back for more and 98% of me enjoys this new venture or let me say new episode in my life. for the first time in a year i am officially happy. i have only felt happiness within a relationship twice and it seems to me that third time lucky is a fact. even though this is still the last for me. im not negative about this, im not unhappy, im not wondering whether this is right or wrong. cause im sure that this is right. im sure that im happy and most all im sure about the person and im sure about my feelings.

2008 thus far was an emotional rollercoaster for me but i seemed to have managed to come out on top. i feel stronger, i am mentally stronger and even though there is only a month and a half left for 2008. i would say that i have entered the better part of the year and the best is still to come cause i know that there is still gonna be much more happiness coming my way as for the first time in a long time i am me again and i am happy and i am positive and that is all thanks to one person and he should know who he is (hopefully) lol

so to new beginnings and thank you for being the new light, the new smile and the joy and happiness that has finally come into my life. Hopefully itll stay this way for a very very very long time. cause everyday is now a pleasure to wake up to ~~

Love

I just got this email from a buddy of mine, Everybody has a different, views or perceptions about this. but for me at the end of the day it all comes down to the spoken word. For those of you who has loved but doesn't want to anymore, for those of you who are in love good on ya, for those of you who has lost love and wants others to work toward you loving them oh well such is life. But at the end of the day we all have been there, are there and worn the t-shirt. Enjoy the weekend~~

Love is when you give half of yourself and allow that half to be filled up by another, who in turn, takes the half of you that you left behind. When you feel like gravity no longer holds you down, but they do. When you see them, a million thoughts race through your mind, and
there are a million things you want to say, but the best to can
manage is a nod and a smile, a wave, or a simple 'hey', because if
you try to say anything more, you know you will choke up. When you see them, you feel like your heart is beating so fast it's going to fly away from you. In a way, it does. It flies to them. When you feel like you are so full of happiness, you feel like your going to start flying, but the only thing keeping you down is that if you were to fly away, you fear they couldn't fly with you.
When they walk into the room,
all the rest of the world fades away until it is just the two of you,
with dorky grins slapped across your faces that would make anyone else
laugh, but you think they are perfect. Love is when you could have just staggered out of bed and look like you wrestled a tiger, but they still tell you that you are the most gorgeous thing they've seen all day. When you would give up anything in the world just to be with them. When you are laying out under the stars and in that perfect
place that you fit in his arms, not needing to talk because you both
know what each other is thinking. When he looks in your eyes, puts his arms around your waist, you look into his eyes. He's looking back. He gives you a nervous grin, and you feel him stop breathing. He inches his face closer to yours. You bridge the gap and press your lips softly against his. The seconds seem like hours, but you pray the moment lasts forever. You break from his embrace. The seconds of awkward silence tick by. Neither of you know what to say. You just want to kiss him again. He opens the door of your house and gives a stammered goodbye. You feel like your going to sink through the floor.
Love is when you would leave forever, if that was what they wanted, even tough it would rip a hole through your chest that would never fully heal. And you feel like you need to be with them, or else your not entirely whole. You would go through all the pain and suffering of the possible breakup if it meant you could just have that kiss one time. You would risk it all for him. And you would put aside your stubbornness to hold him in your arms. To feel his arms around you. He takes your breath away without even trying.

I hope that gives you a little insight on love as it means to me. I hope I’ve helped you with this little note, this window into my soul.

Ricardo Martin

Growing older and smarter

The day you were born was one of the biggest moments, one of the biggest shocks and one of the best moments i could have ever experienced in my life at the age of 17. I didnt wanna look at you the day you were born cause i knew the minute i would do that would be the minute i would never take my eyes off of you. My little nephew, my heart, my soul, my definition, my world. That is who you are to me from the first day you were born. I smiled and i cried and i was happy all in one rush of feeling.

I look at you now and ask myself how is it possible that you have grown up so fast and so handsomely, it amazes me yet even though you turned 8years old yesterday you still tell everyone "I am Cindy's baby". Yes you are just that, the bond we have can and never will be broken cause not only are you my nephew but you are a scorpio just like me and you are one special little boy. I would go to the end of the earth to find whatever it is you want. Yesterday when you got your birthday present from me your face lit up ten times more then it did last year when it was your birthday.

That was purely greatfullness you showed toward me. happy birthday Ricardo may you grow from strength to strength. May god bless you and keep you being one of his angels. He knew what he created when he created you. You are the one person that made a strong bond between a family that needed to change their mindset, ways and thoughts on how life and family is. You brought us closer together then what we were before you were born. you brought us joy and happiness and you are the only little boy in the house.

We all love you and You will always be special to me my baby MWAH

05 November 2008

Leah Jessica Martin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH



Yesterday was my 2yo neice's birthday, she is now obviously 3yo. I looked at her yesterday and thought what a blessing she is to me and my family. In the beginning when we first found out that my sister was pregnant with her, i didnt really like the idea of having another child in the house. as this would have been her second child. Yes that was a stupid and childish thought of me lol but yeah thats how some people are when they are at a certain age in their lives and because i am extremely attached to my 7yo nephew her brother i was just that way at the time.


Anyways, Leah as naughty as you are. You are full of life and you have the zest and motivation to do what you want. You always remind me what it is like to fall and then to get up and dust yourself off and do it again. its funny how or greatest teachers are children at the ages of 1-10yrs old. Why i say so is cause they define the word daring and willingness to do and get what they want in love.



So happy birthday Leah, i hope you enjoyed your day yesterday cause you had everyone you loved most around you. I hope you grow into something even more prettier and beautiful then what you already are. MWAH LOVE YOU!!!




20 October 2005

Brilliant email about men

I got this email from a work colleague of mine., that it thought i would put up for all those females who has lost hope in the male species. Hope this gives you some extra hope that there are a few good men out there. the person who sent this email to me is a man but the person who wrote this email is a woman:

WORDS WRITTEN BY AN OBSERVANT WOMAN.

Good men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls and the halls at work. Most we can't see because we don't know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads.

He might not wear a suit or push a BMW. He might not have a "body like Vin Diesel with a Brad Pitt face". But, as you mature, you realize it's better to find someone who's got your back than someone who turns your head.

A good man doesn't agree whole heartedly with everything you say. He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite.

He doesn't declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, yada yada he is (he wont have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and you may clash, but he doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A good man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don't live to "catch" him doing something wrong so you can declare, "Aha! I knew you were a dog!!"

A good man doesn't necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine's gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don't judge him by TV standards (...Bold and the Beautiful...). No one lives that fairy tale for real. You'll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good. It's just not true.

Men, we salute you, and thank you for who you are and all you've done.

Violation

Wow i am back again to air my views and vows on the past few months that have gone past.
it has surely been somewhat a surprise to me as to what has happened this past few months. i have so much to say but i dont really know where to start. but seeing as it looks like im going to have to break it up into individual blog posts. so as you can see the title of this blog is the main thing or somewhat the more serious of the matters that happened to me over the past few months. so here is the 411 on what happened.

So earlier this year i met one of my chat buddies for the first time in something like 2yrs. why we only met then was simply because he lives in one city and me in another. if he wanted to come to my city he had a choice of either taking a 2hr flight, a 10hour bus trip or a 5-6hour car trip to my city. Which is something that wasnt really on the map at the time. however he caught himself visiting his family who lives close to me and that is how we decided to meet. yes before meeting it seemed like if a relationship were to develop then it would be one of the best relationships i have ever been in.

Unfortunately i found out that as he kept telling me that he is single, he was however in a relationship already. Anyways i went through the whole phase of feeling depressed or whatever but it didnt last long. I thought oh well its over and done with nothing i can do but move on. which i did. However that was not the end, the surprise was yet to come. few months later he makes contact with me again and amazingly acts as if nothing happen. oh well as i was over him and put his crap behind me, we met up and chatted about the months that we did not talk to each other. apparently he went through alot and lost alot and realised who the true friends was that he had in his life. much to my surprise i was one of those true friends i didnt know how i was but hey i cant tell someone that they are wrong in their choice of company.

After a few weeks we ended up as a couple and man was that something i have always wanted but after a month i learned that what we always want in life is not always what we need and not always what it would seem like. anyways why we ended this was because he felt the need to violate my privacy, not that i had anything to hide from him or anyone for that matter. But what he did was unethical in my books. To me honestly it is worse then cheating which he basically already did.anyways he took my phone while i was asleep and he went through my messages and emails.

Unfortunately he found a text message that i dont think any partner would be happy about if they found it. It was a 4month old message between my ex and i. He however claimed that the message was sent while we were dating even though we started dating in August and the message is dated May. he still maintains that it was sent when we were dating. DID I MISS ANYTHING? since when does May come before August? well lol they always say there isnt smoke without a fire and yes there was fire. we broke up and miraculously two weeks later he suddenly finds himself in another relationship. QUICK? I think not, where there is smoke there is fire. he violated my privacy so he could cover up his hidden agenda yet i walked away with a clear conscience why cause i did nothing and he, well lets just say what he does from here on out is merely his choice, I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Things

If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.

THOMAS A. EDISON

The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do well.

And doing well whatever you do.

LONGFELLOW

Rollercoaster

Do you ride or jump out half way?

What can i say about a roller coaster ride? It has its up's and it has it's down's. It has its good and its bad. Much like life who also has its good and bad times, its up's and down's. I think the saying life is like a roller coaster ride is perfectly suited for the world we live in today. Either you do or you dont. Either you fall or you dont. One thing is for sure when it comes to life you can not chose whether you want it to be a roller coaster ride or not cause luckily for us no matter how we try to curb it, it happens and there is nothing we can do about it or is there?

For the past say close to two months i have discovered both heartache and happiness. hows that for a shocker, how can that possibly be. well i speak of experience and yes it is possible. Heartache wasnt and never is easy to handle and no matter how strong a person is mentally it still hits you hard in various ways. you may try to block it out but some how it always has a weird way of creeping out the wood work and you then feel the pain. I had to lose the person i thought was my one true love to rediscover that he wasnt that. as painful as it was guess what? i can actually sit here and smile about it. cause with that pain i walked away with a smile cause right there by my side is the person that i think is actually meant for me. that is where my happiness comes in.

oh what a great feeling it is to be so sure and so certain about something that feels and is so right. i wish i could feel this way everyday. well the person that i love is unique, he is surely a person in his own league. we may not always see eye to eye but the best of it is that we can talk about it and see if there is a way for both of us to grasp a situation. i know most times its not easy especially for you as you desire more closeness and more affection. but think about it, this may not seem like it now but its binding us cause we know that its not easy but we want it. call it a temporary disclaimer.we may not always have the opportunity to see each other but all i say to you is whenever you want to see me but cant baby surely all you need to do is look inside your heart cause im guaranteed to be there. The past month i have felt so many different and amazing feelings i dont think any amount of words can describe the way it feels other then having to go through it and feeling it.

well subsequently the past 2 weeks things hasnt really gone so smooth, this is the roller coaster effect. i can surely say it is definitely testing us and it isnt easy. But i am glad i chose to take that ride and get over with it so i can smile and be happy again and look at you and say "we did it, fancy that!" with a big ass smile. Life isnt always easy but life isnt always hard. if we focus on what really matters and what we really want and what to us is important i think we can over come the obsticles with ease. i pray everyday that you are in my future and look forward to the future with you in it cause i wouldnt want it anyway else. but in order to have that i have to work toward that. it wont be easy but ima take that ride and hopefully come off smiling. why? because,

Life is like a roller coaster

To Mr AF Duncan

Its not because things are difficult, that we do not dare. Its because we do not dare, that why they are difficult.

My Love

I've lost loved once in my life before
he knew how much I loved him
yet he did what he did
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for was taken for granted
So I made a promise to myself
To avoid circumstances like that
that is why for me i have decided
there's no second chance

i know you dont expect me to decide over night what to do regarding everything that has happen last night. But you will probably get the second chance cause we can not chose who we love!!!

A loss for words

Have you ever come across a moment in your life when you are at a loss for words?

I would have to say that for the first time in my entire existence i sit here writing this and as you can gather yes i am at a loss for words. Many people would read this and think well maybe if the situation was known it would be easy to understand why the loss of words. Unfortunately i cant talk about what happen to put me in this position but what i can say is if people knew they would only have a one track mind and everyone would just go ahead and tell me to do the same thing. which is why i chose not to make the situation known hoping that i can be strong enough to find the answer with in me as a being.

Not only for the first time am i at a loss for words but for the first time i have experienced what they call crying in ward. Now i am not a person to shed a tear very easily i guess i'm not really an emotional person. even when i went through a few break up's over the years i have always shown the stronger side to me which for me is something that i tend to do naturally. so as i was saying crying for me is mostly a no no. i can sit in a room with people who has been emotionally hurt or they are just crying for some reason and i would just sit there and wonder why they would go to a length such as tears. Which often makes people deem me as being a cold and heartless person as i dont show any form of affection to them while they are crying.

Well i clearly got that answer last night and i felt how it feels to cry inwardly, it gives you the sense of feeling like you are in a box. stuck in something small and the only thing you have to hold on to which you really cant hold on to is the four walls surrounding you. That is one feeling that i do not want to find myself feeling again in a very long time.

But yet again i can say all this and think to myself why is it so easy to say something yet when directed to the situation i find myself in well there we go again, LOSS OF WORDS!!!

What am i going to do to work my way around the loss and get out what i feel and how i feel and what is to be done, is something i do not know. who knows maybe my guardian angel will come to my rescue kick me in my head and say "Go with your gut, your answer is right there"

Friends

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON:

I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their email. Your response will be interesting.
Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you. Here goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. (or for you to offer the same FOR or to THEM). They may seem like a godsend and they are.. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Lisa, Jodie, Heather, Sicelo, Arnold, Jimmy, Emron

How alike can people be

i recently met this young man who is a few years younger then me. Much to my surprise and also to his we discovered that we are so much alike its actually scary. when we chat he knows what i will say next and i tend to know what he is thinking when we are talking.

freaky? i think not

we have adjusted to it and we are actually telling everyone we are siblings. i for one is starting to enjoy the friendship and the brother/sisterhood that we have going on. its one experience i have never in my existance thought i would come across. best part is even though we are so much alike we tend to learn new things every single day.

so i say to everyone, go out there find the person who is just like you. experience the fun, the laughter, the serious moments, the conversations and the fact that you can be you cause the person is that way as well. trust me you wont look back saying why did i do something that stupid, you would actually look back with a smile saying "that is the best experience ive had"

Emron we have a long way to go but seeing as you are very much like me and i am very much like you. it is easy to say that we are going to have a blast every step we take together lil brother!!!

The Future

The future is yours, it belongs to you.

And with faith in God

and in yourself, too,

No hill’s too high, no mountain’s to tall,

For with faith in the Lord you can

Conquer them all. - HELEN STEINER RICE

A thought of a friend

Tears of an lost soul

What we strive 2 be is not what we become. We become more or less than what we set out 2 be. Life is not a mystical unanswered stabile substance but an experiment of choices. - By Zavier Jacobs


Your mind is young and full of life. Your thoughts are amazing and something that is not often put to paper. You grow from life and see what its like. You experience it different to anyone your age. You are a man of strength and strive. You will find the person you are meant to be. For now from me to you, your the most intriguing person to ever walk the surface of my life and for that i say you define the phrase "your one in a million"

Rekindled Friendship

Over the past id say 2-3months old friendships have been rekindled. One would never think that the people who chose to have me back in their lives would come back to try and rebuild the friendship. I mean i am the type of person who believes that in certain situations everyone deserves a second chance. yet i still always think "ok but why do it the first time"

from that clearly alot of explanations and stories arise from it and yet you still think "are you hiding something or not?" or you maybe end up like me and think "is there something you want from me". in some instances you will find that yes people merely try to come back cause they need you for some or other reason. then you get the people that one you back in there lives cause they feel you have made a contribution before toward there existance and you still can and probably will do that.

well i think from my point of view and also from what i have experience sometimes giving that second chance could change your life and the other persons life. i have yet to discover why the people who are making their way back into my life, want that second chance. things have been good so far but i go into a conversation thinking "is this going to end well or not"

maybe i should let sleeping dog lie and see what the out come of all this is. one thing is for sure that this is the second and last time for them and any form or sense of injury toward the friendship and everything they have worked toward would mean nothing cause it would end right there and then........

Amazing

Emailed received from a friend title:

CONVERSATION IN HEAVEN

ANGELS,

CHRISTIAN,

GOD,

devil ,

JESUS.

This is a discussion you need to read!

Enjoy it. I did!

GOD:

Angels, do you know what I was just thinking about?

ANGELS:

What were you thinking about?

GOD:

Christians seem to have forgotten what kind of power they have available and the devil keeps on deceiving them!

ANGELS:

God, exactly what are you driving at?

GOD:

I have made my children in such a way that when the people of the world are sitting, they would be standing, when the world is standing,they will stand out, when the world stands out, my children must be outstanding and when the devil dares the world to be outstanding, my people will be the standards to be used!

JESUS CHRIST:

They (Christians) are also forgetting the words in

Ephesians 1:3.

GOD:

Please read it out!

ANGEL:

PRAISE BE TO THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST , WHO HAS BLESSED US IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES WITH EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING IN CHRIST.

ANGEL:

So what do we do now since the end is almost near?

HOLY SPIRIT:

My Presence is still among men and I will teach and remind the Christians of all that we have discussed. I will also make sure that they pass this message on!

JESUS CHRIST:

I will also keep on interceding for them and stand in for them even in their weaknesses.

GOD:

I will also make sure that I give to all those who ask of me, seek me and try to find me . The blessings I have promised them through my son Jesus Christ will be delivered to all those who discover that I, Jehovah, I am ready to bless them! Not because of any special things that they have done, but just because I LOVE THEM!

JESUS CHRIST:

I will also give all my followers who are willing to pass this conversation on, enough strength to carry on!

ANGELS:

We are all backing THE TRINITY and even the devil cannot stop us! How funny! Christians are finally taking over and .........

DEVIL (eavesdropping behind the gates):

I hope you all heard! I will deploy more troops (demons) and make sure the Christians pray less, read their Bibles less, preach less and make sure this mail does not move anywhere!

This is who i am

I asked all my friends whether i am a bad person or not. I got a few replies but one shone above the rest. Instead of answering my question he defined me to who i am. What he doesnt know is the definition he gave about me is who i truly am. Zuko this ones for you, i only know you a few months but your bound to be one of my closest friends forever.

Zuko's Definition:

Well that is difficult for me to answer, cos I have only seen your nice side… I’m not saying you have a nasty side, I just have never experienced that side of you if you do have one! You have only been nice to me so I only have good thoughts and judgments for you!

Personality wise you are very strong, powerful but yet kind and soft at the same time so many might mistaken your bold, powerful personality negatively and see it as a threat or you just being horrible!

But you must remember we were all made to be different (UNIQUE), and different people will see different people differently. What Is important is that you accept yourself for who you are, before you worry about what others think of you!

Zuko your one of the few people i can really talk to about anything and whats important is that your one of the few people who really pays attention and defines true friendship. thanks for being a friend and from me to you "True Friends Last A Lifetime"

Give us time to find us again

When i was told that line, i sat there and thought "What? What the hell does that mean?"! Sometimes i tend to not pick up instantly what things mean and that i guess was one of my moments. After thinking about that infamous line, i can finely say i know what it means.But as i have written in one of my other posts, somethings can be defined differently by people as everyone differs.

So well in my case as far as that line goes (the title) i think that is significantly saying that maybe just maybe there is a second chance if we put our minds to it and just grow from what happen in the past and let time open a path way to things better. i could be wrong and grasping at absolutely nothing or i may just have hit the nail on its head.Either way i dont get to find out anytime soon whether i am right or wrong. Which really actually sucks cause i have absolutely no patience what so ever. Oh well i use to have the patience of a saint but that slowly faded away.

Maybe this is what i need to get my patience back to the way it use to be.Or maybe this is just exactly what it is a break up that may end up as a make up or a break up that will stay a break up. Interesting how many explanations or thoughts can come from one line, its quite the shocker aint it? Oh well maybe i should just let sleeping dogs lie but then again i tend to like an adrenalin rush so now and again so may just wake this situation up with one of my many talented ways.

lets see how this pans out, will i give it time or wont i?

Lost

Have you ever had a moment in your life when you feel so lost yet you knew something would happen for you to get this feeling? One things for sure it is one weird feeling that i really dont like and it tends to happen to me alot. I think i should ask the question, what can i do to prevent this feeling? For now all i can do is ride it out and see where it takes me. Phhheeeewwww few minutes ago i realised that i have been dismissed from someone's life AGAIN. Now i have that lost feeling again, cause i really didnt know it would happen. But i think i know why yet im not going to assume and jump to all sorts of weird reasons. ill just leave it be and hope for the best, whatever the best really is in this instant.

Kinda makes me think if who i am and how i am is really good for me or is it just the people in my life. One thing i know for sure is that whats best for me right now is just to over look all the negitivity happening around me right now and just move along with what makes me happy. Which is really the simple things in life, listening to music, watching movies and playing games. Maybe that would distract me from current happenings.

As for the person who recently took the step of removing me from their life. Well if there is anything i did wrong to deserve this then fair enough deleting me was the right thing to do. It would then be understandable as to why removing me was the best option for you. If there is another reason for why this has happen then i guess lol there is nothing i can do but to understand why it was done. Just know that i was always honest with you in everything i said and everything i felt. So i am sorry if i had done you wrong!!

Hurt

What is hurt?

If you selected 1000 people and put each one in a room on their own and gave them 10 minutes to think of what the word hurts mean to them and going back to check what their reply would be. You would get 1000 different answers, some would be in the same line as others and some would have a whole new different definition to the word. To me hurt as an entire essence is a good thing for a person. Somehow to me its the only way people get the whole one of two choices: Learn from it or let it pull you down!!

Lets see over the past say two months i have been getting hurt in many ways from different aspects. 90% of the people in my life didnt even know i was going through a hurtful time in my life. Why? Cause i always walked with a smile on my face and continued to be me. Helping others with what is going wrong in their lives, till one day when, the person i least expected would pay attention and give me good advice did just that. I have to say that it is not an easy task chosing to rather learn from it but hey it is all worth it. At the end of the day i look at the hurt i experienced over the past few weeks and can say that surely there are people out there that is probably going through something much worse then what i am going through.

All in all hurt is good, you learn from it and let it guide you along your path to recovery. that way you may get into the same situation again but just this time you would know how to handle it and how to face it cause you have like they say been there, done that, bought the t shirt and burned it. Once you make a decision that is well suited for you and only you, coming outta hurt stick to it. Thats the only way you will get over it, learn from it and smile about it.

Tomorrow is another day and its a brighter day~~

A bit delayed but here it is The New Year 2008

A new year is upon us and for some it started out to be good and for others well lets just say they dont have reason to be happy or just feel that 2008 is not the year for them.

My 2008 started off well, i enjoyed coming into 2008 knowing that it would be a different year. not only cause its a leap year but because i just had this strong sense that things would be different for me this year. 2007 wasnt really a good year for me but at the end of the day i made it through into the new year with a smile on my face. some people would say well your a woman anything can happen to you no matter how bad it is you will still manage to smile at the end of it. sometimes i agree with that sometimes i dont.

Three months into 2008 and things arent really going as planned, so it has currently gone from good to bad. in all aspects of my life but i see light at the end of my tunnel cause i have decided to go by the saying "What is to be is up to me" So with that i say the only person who can get us outta the rut we tend to find ourselves in beside the almighty is no one else but ourselves. Its like putting pen to paper without the ink there will not be a book or a note etc.

So heres to 2008, out with the old in with the new!

Most of all enjoy of second of it!!