Rejuvenated

This morning i got up with this strong sense of rejuvenation and besides that i even got up in a good mood. Its 15h30pm and im still in that good mood, for someone who isnt a morning person this is like WOW to me. But i can honestly admit that i like it. I like this feeling and i hope i can continue to feel this way, today, tomorrow and for many more days to come. I do however know why i got up feeling this way and what i did to, how can i put it? release the shackles of morbidness that i have been feeling over the past two months (on and off that is).

You know how people can take sooooo much and then one day they just cant anymore and just put their foot down sighting "Enough is Enough, ive had it". I somewhat think that, that is where i found myself last night. However i didnt say those words but i definitely was thinking it. I just feel like right now, walking around morbit and always thinking negatively is not gonna get me to where i want to be and its definitely not gonna get me what i want.

So to reiterate what happened last night, after an eventful day of emotions i got home and sat down, counted till 10, breathed and went down on my knees. I spoke to the man above and i didnt find myself moaning, or nagging, or wishing. All i did was thank him for blessing me with life. For giving me the strength to get through each and everyday and allowing me to learn new things and experience life the way he wants me to. The end of that conversation definitely without a doubt in my mind changed my entire mindset and mood.

However i ended up getting a consolation prize, The past two months in my relationship it hasnt exactly been a bed of roses. We have been going through a very bad patch. Communication between us wasnt so great, things just wasnt on the right level like it use to be. As every relationship has its up's and its down's so does and did ours. So we went through about 6months of total and absolutely great up's and we were just left speeches as to how amazing things were and then the tiniest little issue knocked us off our high horse and we came falling down and have been struggling for the past two months to get through this bad phase.

Last night after speaking to my partner, we said quite a few things but the best thing that couldve been said last night came from him and it gave me this sense of confidance and happiness that yes we are on our way back up again. My consolation prize was my partner telling me "We always get through these bad phases". For me to see and hear a man say that is like concurring the world cause men they usually do not say how they feel or speak their minds very easily and he did that last night.

Today i feel like a somewhat new person and tomorrow i know that i will feel even better. Because i am not gonna let anything push me back into that morbid state i was in. A friend once told me that i need to stop looking at the negativity and stop looking back. In order for me to succeed in getting to where i want and how i want and what i want. i need to keep moving forward and stop being negative. As hard as it is for me cause i have been dubbed a very negative person who has a short temper that can stress easily, i definitely wanna try this positive thing, if the way i feel today is what positivity makes a person feel like. Then i definitely wanna be positive and think positively.

Its amazing what pray can do and what one little line of belief or positivity can do to boast one's mood.

Wish me luck for my new path, its not gonna be easy but, nothing ever is!

Conversations with God

Everyday i find myself learning something new, everyday i find myself in a different mood, everyday is just different from the other. We don't always do what our minds are set out to do but we do things as they come. The one thing that i know i do on a daily basis is have the most amazing conversations with God about two or three times a day. if there is one thing i wish for then it is to be able to hear him talk back to me. I would probably faint from excitement but i think it would go down well.

I enjoy those conversations cause i get to to say what i feel and whats exactly on my heart and i wont be judged for the way i feel or for what i am saying. the best part of it is, is that i feel closer to him with every single conversation. i feel so much better after speaking to him, it usually feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. the saying that goes "god only helps those who helps themselves" i can say comfortably that i believe that saying is true. however you would get some people who would say but how and where do i start.

The day should start with god and end with god, that is where you start. You wake up in the morning and you thank god for allowing you to wake up to another day and to face another day and to learn what that day brings. We often take this for grated and tend to forget that he must get all the honour and all the praise. many would say but we are only human however i believe that when you commit to something you should stick to your commitments.

When I'm feeling down or when I'm feeling really good about myself and the way things are going, not a day goes by where i do not take the time to go down on my knees and thank the man above. With him in our lives we can concur everything and anything. I recently went through a bad patch in my life and i asked myself why me? why should i always be the one to go through all of these things and then i realised that things happen for a reason and we should find out what that reason is.

There are people out there who goes through worse turmoils then i do and i should be thankful that i am able to find the strength to go through these things and learn. I know that even though i put my situations, my ups and downs in the hands of god. that i mustn't always expect him to do everything. its amazing how when you take the time out to have a conversation with god that you get this overwhelmingly great feeling come over you that brings you a sense of warmth and an automatic smile.

Its just such an awesome feeling that is sooo hard to explain. so i urge everyone to take the time out doesn't matter where or what time of the day but have your conversation with god i promise you he is listening and he is in that conversation more then you would've ever guessed~~

Wedding Diary 4

Yes the wedding is back on, after a month of hectic vibes and that bad dark cloud that was over us, things are starting to clear up and get back to the way it was again. Its amazing that the things you expect the least to help you get through bad and rough patches are the things that actually helps you. Sometimes i think we live in an odd world where nothing makes sense and at the same time it all makes perfect sense.

I guess god puts us in certain situations for a reason, to see how we will handle it however knowing that we can handle it. the saying that goes god brings you to it and will bring you through it, really is more then just a saying it is a fact and it is something that i have learned over the pass month. Gawain is learning more about me daily and i am learning more about him daily but what is more important is that we have learned to stick together and get through our obstacles together as one.

Every morning i wake up with him telling me how much he loves me and every morning i tell him how much i love him. We pray together and we believe in what we have and what god has given us. Glad we are taking each other by the hands and walking side by side into our future and continuing to build the relationship we have into a stronger one. I never thought it could get stronger then what it is now but i am wrong, never say never i guess cause everyday is a new day,filled with new challenges and lessons and we are ready to take it on.

Now to check my wedding list to see whatelse needs my attention :)