25 Years Old

On the 21st November 1983 at23h34pm the evening a baby girl was born. That baby girl is now a full grown or maybe i should say still growing adult. 25yrs later she had her up's and downs and has experienced life like not many has before. Yes the 25 year old i speak of is none other then me myself and I. Friday i celebrated my 25th birthday and much to my surprise it was not half as bad as i thought it would be i dont know hey for some reason i thought it was gonna be something really bad or just something really weird but it wasnt.

I was woken up on friday morning with an sms from my boyfriend wishing me (he was the first to wish me) his message sparked a storm of messages from all over the world. got so many messages wishing me and so many phone calls wishing me i lost count by 9am the morning. At the end of the day i can sit here and say i had the most amazing birthday, different but amazing. i had everyone i loved around me celebrating my day and telling stories about when i was a little girl and the things i use to do. some was funny and some were shockers.

The only thing i can say right now is that god has blessed me even though we tend to not see his wonderful work and ways and paths that his opened for us there comes a time when one needs to sit and think about all he has done and say thank you god for all you have done for me. everything we go through in life is what he wants us to go through is what he wants us to learn from is what he wants us to experience and what he wants us to pay attention to. the first thing i did friday morning was go down on my knees with a tear in my eye and i thanked the all mightly for carrying me through 25years of my life. i do not live on my own graces i live on his graces and for that i thanked him for everything he has done for me and most importantly having a hand in bringing me into this world.

To everyone in my life, friends and family! Thank you all for being there when i needed you most thank you for all the wishes and happiness you bring into my life. thank you for putting up with me as i know im not the easiest person to live with. Thank you just for letting me be me and letting me say what is needed to say when the time is there for me to say it. Thank you for being in my life. everyone brings alittle something extra to my life and holds a small part of them in me and that is the way it is going to stay.

Im 25years old here i am ready to take on what ever challenges my age will bring me what ever experiences it will throw my way and most of all im happy that i am still who i am today~~

21 November 2008

Something New

A few months ago i started asking myself the one simple question in life that many people always end up trying to figure out for themselves. The question was "Will I ever find some form of happiness in my life?". At the time when I was thinking about that question I had been through quite a few detours in my life and was at a point where once again i just felt like giving up on everything and everyone in my life. This was only the second ever time that I thought or felt that way. I had come to the conclusion or lets just say i settled with the fact that i was never gonna be or never gonna find happiness for myself.

I honestly believed that in most things or aspects of my life that it would be the end of it. I hardly smiled at anything or anyone and i found myself cutting out many people including those close to me. In that time i had cut myself off many people i also decided that i didnt want to even consider getting into any form of relationship either.That was the time i ended up finding myself and getting to know who i really was. the type of person i am and the type of nature i could bring into others lives. Eventually upon doing that i took a leap off the edge of the mountain and for the last time went against something that i set up for myself.

I decided to go ahead and meet someone new, i mean what did i have to lose. i wasnt happy, i had this icyness about me. i just couldnt care less, i would just walk around thinking oh well im probably setting myself up to get hurt again BUT life is about risks. we put ourselves through risks every single day, so i took my last risk and i went ahead and met him. The first time we met i was kinda still on the mindset that i am gonna stay unhappy and nothing anyone says or does is gonna change what i think. (im just difficult like that) the second meeting i basically was the same. The turning point for me was the third meeting. after that i realised the type of person i was seeing and that person was totally different from what i was use to.

Now 6months later i guess my risky leap turned out to be something positive cause now i find myself randomly sitting and smiling for no reason at all. I actually look forward to spending time with that person and seeing that person. i dont know what it is but there is something that always keeps me going back for more and 98% of me enjoys this new venture or let me say new episode in my life. for the first time in a year i am officially happy. i have only felt happiness within a relationship twice and it seems to me that third time lucky is a fact. even though this is still the last for me. im not negative about this, im not unhappy, im not wondering whether this is right or wrong. cause im sure that this is right. im sure that im happy and most all im sure about the person and im sure about my feelings.

2008 thus far was an emotional rollercoaster for me but i seemed to have managed to come out on top. i feel stronger, i am mentally stronger and even though there is only a month and a half left for 2008. i would say that i have entered the better part of the year and the best is still to come cause i know that there is still gonna be much more happiness coming my way as for the first time in a long time i am me again and i am happy and i am positive and that is all thanks to one person and he should know who he is (hopefully) lol

so to new beginnings and thank you for being the new light, the new smile and the joy and happiness that has finally come into my life. Hopefully itll stay this way for a very very very long time. cause everyday is now a pleasure to wake up to ~~

Love

I just got this email from a buddy of mine, Everybody has a different, views or perceptions about this. but for me at the end of the day it all comes down to the spoken word. For those of you who has loved but doesn't want to anymore, for those of you who are in love good on ya, for those of you who has lost love and wants others to work toward you loving them oh well such is life. But at the end of the day we all have been there, are there and worn the t-shirt. Enjoy the weekend~~

Love is when you give half of yourself and allow that half to be filled up by another, who in turn, takes the half of you that you left behind. When you feel like gravity no longer holds you down, but they do. When you see them, a million thoughts race through your mind, and
there are a million things you want to say, but the best to can
manage is a nod and a smile, a wave, or a simple 'hey', because if
you try to say anything more, you know you will choke up. When you see them, you feel like your heart is beating so fast it's going to fly away from you. In a way, it does. It flies to them. When you feel like you are so full of happiness, you feel like your going to start flying, but the only thing keeping you down is that if you were to fly away, you fear they couldn't fly with you.
When they walk into the room,
all the rest of the world fades away until it is just the two of you,
with dorky grins slapped across your faces that would make anyone else
laugh, but you think they are perfect. Love is when you could have just staggered out of bed and look like you wrestled a tiger, but they still tell you that you are the most gorgeous thing they've seen all day. When you would give up anything in the world just to be with them. When you are laying out under the stars and in that perfect
place that you fit in his arms, not needing to talk because you both
know what each other is thinking. When he looks in your eyes, puts his arms around your waist, you look into his eyes. He's looking back. He gives you a nervous grin, and you feel him stop breathing. He inches his face closer to yours. You bridge the gap and press your lips softly against his. The seconds seem like hours, but you pray the moment lasts forever. You break from his embrace. The seconds of awkward silence tick by. Neither of you know what to say. You just want to kiss him again. He opens the door of your house and gives a stammered goodbye. You feel like your going to sink through the floor.
Love is when you would leave forever, if that was what they wanted, even tough it would rip a hole through your chest that would never fully heal. And you feel like you need to be with them, or else your not entirely whole. You would go through all the pain and suffering of the possible breakup if it meant you could just have that kiss one time. You would risk it all for him. And you would put aside your stubbornness to hold him in your arms. To feel his arms around you. He takes your breath away without even trying.

I hope that gives you a little insight on love as it means to me. I hope I’ve helped you with this little note, this window into my soul.

Ricardo Martin

Growing older and smarter

The day you were born was one of the biggest moments, one of the biggest shocks and one of the best moments i could have ever experienced in my life at the age of 17. I didnt wanna look at you the day you were born cause i knew the minute i would do that would be the minute i would never take my eyes off of you. My little nephew, my heart, my soul, my definition, my world. That is who you are to me from the first day you were born. I smiled and i cried and i was happy all in one rush of feeling.

I look at you now and ask myself how is it possible that you have grown up so fast and so handsomely, it amazes me yet even though you turned 8years old yesterday you still tell everyone "I am Cindy's baby". Yes you are just that, the bond we have can and never will be broken cause not only are you my nephew but you are a scorpio just like me and you are one special little boy. I would go to the end of the earth to find whatever it is you want. Yesterday when you got your birthday present from me your face lit up ten times more then it did last year when it was your birthday.

That was purely greatfullness you showed toward me. happy birthday Ricardo may you grow from strength to strength. May god bless you and keep you being one of his angels. He knew what he created when he created you. You are the one person that made a strong bond between a family that needed to change their mindset, ways and thoughts on how life and family is. You brought us closer together then what we were before you were born. you brought us joy and happiness and you are the only little boy in the house.

We all love you and You will always be special to me my baby MWAH

05 November 2008