Have you ever come across a moment in your life when you are at a loss for words?
I would have to say that for the first time in my entire existence i sit here writing this and as you can gather yes i am at a loss for words. Many people would read this and think well maybe if the situation was known it would be easy to understand why the loss of words. Unfortunately i cant talk about what happen to put me in this position but what i can say is if people knew they would only have a one track mind and everyone would just go ahead and tell me to do the same thing. which is why i chose not to make the situation known hoping that i can be strong enough to find the answer with in me as a being.
Not only for the first time am i at a loss for words but for the first time i have experienced what they call crying in ward. Now i am not a person to shed a tear very easily i guess i'm not really an emotional person. even when i went through a few break up's over the years i have always shown the stronger side to me which for me is something that i tend to do naturally. so as i was saying crying for me is mostly a no no. i can sit in a room with people who has been emotionally hurt or they are just crying for some reason and i would just sit there and wonder why they would go to a length such as tears. Which often makes people deem me as being a cold and heartless person as i dont show any form of affection to them while they are crying.
Well i clearly got that answer last night and i felt how it feels to cry inwardly, it gives you the sense of feeling like you are in a box. stuck in something small and the only thing you have to hold on to which you really cant hold on to is the four walls surrounding you. That is one feeling that i do not want to find myself feeling again in a very long time.
But yet again i can say all this and think to myself why is it so easy to say something yet when directed to the situation i find myself in well there we go again, LOSS OF WORDS!!!
What am i going to do to work my way around the loss and get out what i feel and how i feel and what is to be done, is something i do not know. who knows maybe my guardian angel will come to my rescue kick me in my head and say "Go with your gut, your answer is right there"
